Who's Your Buddy?

As everybody's already painfully aware, everyday more and more company's are laying off employees.  I've been laid off now for 17 months.  Yep - 17 months.

The company I worked for was connected to the construction industry; therefore, we were some of the first in a long line that is still unfurling to be let go.  I worked for the company for 8 years. I'm sure that's not too long to some of you, but it was to me and I had planned on being there until I retired.


During that time, I made some (what I THOUGHT) were some really great friendships.  As it turns out, as time passes, fewer and fewer of those friends and I really keep up with eachother.  So that is my question: What happens to friendships after you're laid off and how can you keep them going when either both of you have been laid off, or just ONE of you were laid off?

What is the meaning of true friendship?  Who is my buddy?

I do have a few friends that I keep up with on a regular basis.  I was the first to be let go; so me and my friends that were still working would meet for lunch pretty much on a weekly basis and they'd tell me all that was going on at work, what I "wasn't" missing, who was having trouble with the boss and why I should be glad I didn't work there anymore.  All of that was usually followed by "You look great." or "Wow! look at your tan!"  I admit, I was rested more than usual because I wasn't getting up at 5:00 a.m.; instead, it was 6:30 a.m.  I wasn't going through the stresses of traffic, the stresses of schedules, working late, or the lack of a vacation.  The tan was from working in the yard because I was now the landscaper and took charge of mowing the yard to release my anxieties and frustrations from losing my job. I was thinner because I was working my tail off and sweating in the summer heat and was constantly moving now instead of remaining sedentary all day except to get up to use the restroom or eat lunch.


Later,  another friend of the group was laid off; she is the "Angry One"....  Still today, she obsesses over office gossip and prays daily that the business will go under.  Then, another friend in the group was laid off.  She's raising a new (her first) child, which she had just before they laid her off.  She's gone through her adjustment period like we all do - - but she's alright.  She's not angry; she, like me, sees the bigger picture of our country's economy as a whole. She is an aspiring writer - and in fact, will be joining me on this blog to give her opinions and observations about life, parenting, and other things very soon. She's my "Level-Headed" friend.  


The last friend in the group, is still employed by the company.  She's the "Emotional One" - and by that I mean she cries at the drop of a hat, lives for drama, is always there to give you a sobbing whoas-me snapshot of her life, is and has been depressed and on medication for about 15 years now.   It's incredibly amazing to me that we all have been there for that person, let her borrow money, (never to be returned) let her cry on our shoulders, shared our lunches with her - - yet - - would you believe that she doesn't bother to contact any of us?  And guess what?  She's still alive, managing just fine, and still employed.  

The 3 of us who were laid off (along with 1000+ others in our company) still stay in contact; although we are lucky by the fact that our husbands still have their jobs with their respected businesses.  We're all struggling though and of course, things are very tight for all of us.  Yet, the friendships have changed.  What used to be a fairly tight 8 year relationship has branched off and morphed into a different kind of relationship....a support group.


The "Angry One" and I communicate, but it's on a superficial basis.  I still listen to problems she's having, marital issues she faces with a husband that travels with his job, but comes home on the weekends, her loneliness, the latest plots by her evil step-daughter and the latest gossip she's heard about the office and how she's just waiting for this one, or that one to be let go.  She doesn't know (or ask) about what's happening in my life too much.



The level-headed friend, the writer, and I actually have two-way conversations.  We support each other.  And that is what's so very important during these times in our world.  I believe there are two kinds of support groups; one is your family, your spouse and the support they provide that is your bedrock.  The second group is the support of your friends.  I believe it's true among women that we MUST have a support group that will listen to ALL of the details of what you're going through.  I'm lucky to have that.  Although things have changed a little between us simply because my husband and I don't have children, she is a few years younger than me, has started her family; she is involved in lots of things that we're not regarding parenting and everything that goes along with that wonderful world - - we reach across our paths to sit at the table between us - and talk.  That kindred spirit is still there.  She talks me out of bouts of depression when a job interview didn't come through.  We share information about employment links, companies that may or may not be hiring, ideas that we have, we laugh, I get to play with her beautiful, adorable little boy (I tell everybody I'm his Aunt Gigi), and we really give support to each other.  We don't talk everyday, in fact, we email more than we talk...but we're just an email, call, or text away.

My husband is my best friend and is absolutely the most awesome man and husband anybody could ask for but my BUDDY and I can talk about the details of everything from the world economy, celebrity hairstyles, parenting, challenges within our marriages, being unemployed and fighting depression while looking for work, to what the cat dragged up on the porch yesterday.

We all need to treasure our Buddy.  I hope everybody has one.  If you don't - I hope you find one.  That extra support makes all the difference in the world sometimes.  After a visit with my buddy I feel relaxed - like, it's gonna be alright.  We're gonna make it though this.  But most importantly - I'm not the only one going through this.


My husband asks me "How was your visit?"  "It was really great!" I tell him.  "It's always great to see her!."  "Well that's great honey." he says....then he walks away and continues on with whatever he was working on at the time.


After working for that company for 8 years, it wasn't all for nothing - I found a true friend.  I found my buddy.